The Honesty of Becoming a Mom...from a self obsessed woman...

Before I became pregnant, I constantly struggled with the idea of being a "mom." I loved the freedom my husband and I had when we were not "strapped" to the house with a child. I loved being able to spend money on myself. I loved the vacations I would go on. I loved being able to work all night. I loved going to the movies whenever I pleased. You can see how a child may not fit into the flexibility I had so grown to love. My husband had always said that he could go with or without children, and left the decision totally up to me (yes, a very heavy burden!). So how did I become a mom?

A dear family friend of ours really sparked my thoughts, he was in his 90s and had reached the final step of his life journey. As we watched him draw his last breath, my husband and I thought about his life accomplishments. He had flown in War World II, gained great financial wealth, and had a great career flying planes. Who would know of his great accomplishments in 30 years? Or 40? Or 50? Those of us who stood beside him had not known him his whole life, and even though we loved him there was still something missing. He passed away in November 2012. That night I began to think of what more my life could offer and informed my husband that maybe we should try to have a child.

In January, my AMAZING grandmother had woke up in the middle of the night with some crazy chest pains. A trip to the ER and a heart cath later led her to open heart surgery. I will never forget the moment when her heart cath doctor came and told us that she had blockage that would need a bypass. My grandmother was the strongest woman I have ever known and the most astounding figure in my life (a little background, I am the youngest grandchild, my parents are divorced and my dad had custody, and I pretty much lived with my grandparents so much so I call myself a hybrid because I often think of them as my parents) was now being threatened to leave me here in this world without her company and guidance. It was that night as all of our family surrounded her with light hearts and heavy burdens, that I hugged her thinking I may never get to hug her again, and as I held my grandpa's hand that I knew what life was really about!

I told my husband a few short days later that I wanted to sell our company in Lexington (so I would not have to travel back and forth to Ashland) and we were going to get "serious" about having a baby. We had not sold our company and I often thought what will I do if I become pregnant and have to drag our child back and forth with me to take care of the company, but the moment my mind would stray to those thoughts, God would pat me on the back and assure me he had a plan. Needless to say, we sold our company. The day we signed the papers was the day we knew we were going to have a bundle of joy.

While this journey of motherhood hasn't been the easiest, seeing my now 15 month old daughter discover life has truly showed me that while we should strive to accomplish things in this life for the glory of God, our accomplishments have no meaning if they can't be carried forward in the minds of our children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. At the end of the day, you never really know who you are until you see yourself in your child. And who is kidding themselves, you can still do all the things you did while you were without a child (although, I am learning from my friends it becomes impossible with multiple children), but now all of those things have a little extra meaning! :)